In this house, I’m the Mama…

So here’s the story on the Child Support front. I know it’s been confusing. I’ll try to clarify.

Prior to 2005, The Egg Donor (ED) was responsible for payment of all daycare costs (she claimed they were well over $800/month) and payment of health insurance. She paid spottily for both things, causing lapses in daycare due to large outstanding balances, moving the kids to a new daycare when the balances got beyond what she could pay, and generally refusing to enroll the kids in and keep the kids on health insurance. When she left the most stable job she had, she proceeded to hop around to several others, never staying long enough to get on benefits, and never paying Cobra from the stable job to maintain benefits.

My Hubby was responsible for paying ED child support… a LOT of child support… almost as much as our mortgage. He never missed a single payment. In fact, he ended up overpaying (because Child Support Mods, once ordered, are retroactive to the date of filing) by almost $15,000.

In court in 2005, My Hubby got 51% parenting time, exactly what we requested so that we could put the kids on my insurance. It was a huge victory. When you have a kid with asthma, who seems to be hospitalized annually like clockwork, going without insurance is just not an option. Being able to maintain stable insurance, and take them to the doctor, the dentist, and the eye doctor for a copay (instead of the full, outrageous charge), was a God-send! So we agreed to pay for and maintain health insurance, at a cost of around $180/month for all three kids. ED, still thinking that My Hubby would end up paying her a significant chunk of change, argued strenuously that she still be responsible for payment of daycare. She wanted the tax writeoff. She wanted the child support check from My Hubby. The judge agreed that she should pay daycare, to the tune of $815/month, an average of the total yearly cost.

And then the judge (different than The Honorable What’s-His-Name), despite stating that My Hubby should pay $200/month in child support, ordered that she receive zero dollars from My Hubby until 2009, because the overpayment was so high. Well, that set her right off. It was ridiculous! She stood up in her stilettos and shook the Child Support Worksheet at the judge, screaming about how she could not possible make it without My Hubby paying child support. It was NOT in the kids’ best interest. Hmmm, where have we heard that before?

The judge just banged his gavel down and asked our attorney to formulate his words into a formal order. It was awesome.

Let’s not mention the fact that My Hubby offered to pay her $580/month in child support if she would just let him have the 51% parenting time so we could get the kids on insurance. She wasted three hours of time with our attorney (paid for by us, of course), signed the paperwork and the reneged in court, ending up with zero.

Greed… it’s an interesting beast.

So that’s been the deal since 2005. As you know, we filed a Motion to Modify Parenting Time, based on her complete and total insanity, in early 2007. It took us until November to get a hearing. Our motion was actually denied, but since then she’s done everything she can to violate every order on the planet, so she’s been reduced to seeing the kids every other weekend–that change has been in effect since January. She filed a crazy Motion to Reconsider mid-January and we filed an Emergency Motion to Modify Child Support after she told the kids’ current daycare provider that she would not pay the significant outstanding balance she had unless she “got her way in court.” Knowing that she wouldn’t get her way, we were concerned that she would not pay the balance and we would be stuck with having the kids full time, but without daycare. Problematic. After all, she–now not impacted in any way by daycare or lack thereof because she only sees them four days a month, and only on weekends–would have no incentive to continue paying.

Our Motion to Modify Child Support was filed in Emergency fashion because of the looming balance, but the actual modification request was just that she pay child support, enforced by the state, and let us take care of being responsible for payment of the bills… because she so clearly is not capable. The long and the short of it is that The Honorable What’s-His-Name (THWHN) denied our request to set the hearing on an emergency basis, ordered her to pay the balance at daycare, and not to miss any more payments. He told her that My Hubby would file contempt if the kids missed any daycare due to her lack of payment, that he would find her in contempt, and that he would fine her, imprison her or both. Strong words.

While there has been lots of drama since then, she has paid the balance… and has kept it current, as far as we know. The daycare folks let her pay by check (not a good idea since she’s bounced three separate checks just since the November hearing and it takes almost two months to get notice of the bounced check–can you say “Broken process?”), so we’ll see how that pans out.

Anyway, cut to yesterday.

In our state, you have to go through an Initial Status Conference before you can get a hearing date. While I think it’s noble to try to keep parties out of the courtroom, when you’re dealing with a situation as contentious as this one is, it is really a huge waste of time. But, it’s a mandate. So we went.

During these kinds of things, I have to sit in the hallway and wait because I am “not a party to this action.” I did. The Egg Donor showed up, despite our betting that she might not, using the excuse that she didn’t get the Certified Mail (that she is now picking up with great regularity) we sent with the Notice of Hearing included. They went in, and within 15 minutes they came out. My Hubby was laughing. ED was not.

She claimed that he had falsified his paystubs and that she would be subpoenaing his records. She claimed that he had far overstated the daycare costs and she would be providing proof of that. She claimed that she had taken a “significant cut in pay”, which is something she always claims when it comes time to pay the piper. What’s funny about her claims is that:

a) My Hubby attached his actual paystubs to the Motion to Modify, so she can subpoena all she wants. She won’t. But if she did, she would get the identical information.

b) My Hubby also attached the actual rate sheet from the before- and after-school program to the Motion. She can cry about it, but we will definitely subpoena her payment records and show that our calculations are correct.

c) We have already subpoenaed her employment records, including her payment history because we used them in the November hearing. We, of course, will reissue a subpoena to get updated information.

d) She was supposed to submit an updated financial affidavit, so we’ll get copies of her W-2s with that. She won’t have much wiggle room on that unless she doctors the forms, but then we’ll have her employment records anyway.

e) Dragging this out will cost her in the long run. The Motion, when granted, becomes an Order of the Court, retroactive to the date of filling. We estimate that she will now owe My Hubby about as much as our mortgage. She’s not paying out that much in daycare costs. The difference is about $800 per month, meaning that the $800/month difference will accrue until this whole mess gets settled.

f) The hearing that got set isn’t until May. Since My Hubby filed in January, that will be five months of arrears she’ll owe… about $4,000. Ouch!

I wonder why she wants to drag it out. Despite his repeated requests to agree on any of the numbers on the worksheet, she has steadfastly refused to even reply. Does she not understand that it is cut and dried in our state? His income, her income, daycare costs, and health insurance. That’s it. Those are the only numbers that matter. If you knew you’d start off $4,000 in arrears and the State would come after you, guns a blazin’, wouldn’t you try to work something out?

Oh, and I forgot to mention that he offered to drop the overpayment issue, which will tack on an additional $200/month to what she owes, if she would settle now. That’s almost $3,000 she could have saved herself. So it will really be more like $7,000 she’ll have to deal with up front.

Do you think she fights just for fighting’s sake?

As promised, here it is, complete with my fantasy replies…

The Egg Donor’s (ED) Response to the Motion for Judgment:

In January 2008, Petitioner files Motion for Judgment.

While we appreciate the play-by-play, we all know when the Motion for Judgment was filed.

Motion to Compel was not sent to Respondent.

Do you ever receive anything? Ever? No matter. We’ll just provide this e-mail (dated 10/23/07), between our former attorney and you in which you say:

I received your motions this morning. You specicifically stated that I was given until the 22nd and your original letter also asked that I send all documentation by mail which I in fact did. I’m not sure why you would hae filed an excessive motion with the court yet again. I did what I was asked and the paperwork should be in your office within the next several days.

That sounds to me like you really didn’t get the Motion to Compel (insert dripping sarcasm here).  Wonder what The Honorable What’s-His-Name will think about that.

Petitioner’s former attorney noted in writing that this motion was not sent to Respondent’s home but was sent through e-mail.

No, silly one. Actually what our former attorney noted in writing (and we know this because we, of course, have a copy of that e-mail), is that it was sent to your home AND provided to you in e-mail. The fact that you responded to the e-mail in which she sent you the motion really negates your whole reality-bending argument here. And? The Motion to Compel itself contains a Certificate of Mailing. And even more? You stated in your e-mail that you got her original letter… Did you forget to take your meds this morning? You know, the ones that actually make your brain WORK?

No proof of receipt or certificate of mailing was provided to the court at any time nor was proof that email was sent provided to Respondent or this court.

Right. Actually the Certificate of Mailing is attached to the Motion to Compel (it’s the last page in case you’re having trouble finding it), showing that it was mailed to you. That? Was filed with the Motion… with the Court. So it WAS quite obviously provided to the court. Proof of e-mailing said document? Not required. Although we’re more than happy to provide your e-mail to THWHN–as soon as possible.

The Motion to Compel was not discussed at the November hearing despite the fact that it was filed prior to the hearing in November 2007, again leaving Respondent unaware of this motion.

Again, incorrect. Actually My Hubby objected to your “evidence” on numerous occasions, citing that very Motion to Compel and your failure to comply with it. In fact, THWHN refused to allow you to present several exhibits based on your non-compliance. I’m quite surprised you don’t remember… Actually, strike that. I’m not surprised at all. You just remember reality as you wish it were. I understand.

Petitioner is granted Motion to Compel and Attorney’s Fees and fails to provide Order to Respondent until the Motion for Judgment is filed with this Court in January 2007.

If you were a good pro se litigant, you would know that it is not Petitioner’s job to provide you with diddly squat that is ordered by the Court. It’s your responsibility, you ninny, to go the Court and get any Orders that have been issued. At the very least, you could call them and see if any orders have been entered. Just like your argument regarding your failure to attend parent/teacher conferences, your abdication of responsibility because My Hubby “failed to notify you” falls flat. Grow some responsibility, would you?

Respondent alleges that this order was again held by Petitioner to further legal action against Respondent.

Yeah. Absolutely. Because we live for this crap. Because you actually abiding by any Court Order ever issued would just totally cramp our style. Courtrooms? Attorneys? Judges? Bailiffs? The Court Cafeteria? Like heroin to us. We just can’t get enough.

Petitioner has admitted that his former attorney is a family member of Stephanie’s family and Respondent disputes the validity of the charges accrued as Petitioner has admitted to Respondent that his former attorney’s fees were “discounted” or not charged at all because she was family.

True. She is a “family member of my family,” whatever that actually means. And yes, she did discount some fees and she did write off some things… which works to your benefit you amazingly obtuse ignoramus. If she hadn’t discounted all of those fees, the amount of money you owed (let me speak more slowly here) would… be… much… higher. Be grateful, would you?

Respondent alleges that this conflict of interest resulted in Petitioner’s former attorney improperly requesting documents in order to aid Petitioners case.

Um, no. The docs she requested are all standard fare. And your refusal to supply them? Unfortunately standard fare as well. And yes, she did try to aid Petitioner’s (try really hard to use apostrophes where necessary, ok?) case.

Newsflash: SHE WAS HIS ATTORNEY. THAT WAS HER JOB!

Respondent alleges that Petitioner is again showing disdain for the Court’s authority by filing Motion without notifying Respondent of the Court’s order and also shows Petitioners refusal to communicate with Respondent.

I’m just really so done with all that Respondent alleges. Respondent alleges a bunch of crap.

I allege that Respondent is in violation of the Non-Stupidity Act, enacted by me eight years ago. For that crime, you should be punished and made to serve a long period of isolation, where you are not allowed to even make an effort to reproduce or cause anyone else’s head to hurt with your drivel.

Maybe somewhere like Siberia… until the youngest is 50. Yeah… I like it.

You’ll recall that we filed a Motion for Judgment in mid-January because, despite The Honorable What’s-His-Name’s (THWHN) order in November 2007 to The Egg Donor (ED) to pay My Hubby $100/month on the medical bills she owed, she has not and we need to be able to collect. Judgment has to be entered before we can garnish her wages. It’s just part of the process.

She also owes My Hubby attorney fees from the Motion to Compel we had to file back in October of 2007 because she refused to provide Discovery responses. The Motion for Judgment includes those attorney fees, which of course she has refused to pay, as well.

In addition to the above, we had to file another Motion for Contempt on non-payment of medical because she accrued another $300+ (at the time we filed the Contempt, now it’s more like $500+ and will increase as the statements roll in) in medical expenses from the time of the hearing until the end of 2007 that, you guessed it, she has steadfastly refused to pay… even though she was JUST found in Contempt for that very same thing in November, and even though she was previously found in Contempt for that very same thing in 2005.

Well, evidently those little motions upset her fragile little eco-system so she did what any responsible person would do. She refused to make any sort of payment arrangements whatsoever and instead chose to file a ridiculously incoherent Response to the Court, well past the deadline for responding to the Motion for Judgment, but in time for responding to the Motion for Contempt. I’m guessing she thought she could sneak it in. (Eye roll)

Her mostly incoherent Response to the Court was, you guessed it, in that Certified Mail envelope.

Here it is…

Drumroll please…

Response to the Motion for Contempt

She says:

The (Order from 2005) was taken very seriously by Respondent, who was, at that time, recovering from a serious illness which also impacted Respondents ability to retain counsel for the hearing.

We pointed out, in the Contempt Motion, that she was found in Contempt in 2005 for the very same thing, that she did not pay, that we had to file a Motion for Judgment, and multiple Writs of Garnishment, so I understand her saying she took the Order very seriously (although she obviously did not). But what does her ability to retain counsel for the 2005 hearing have to do with the price of tea in China? For that matter, what does anything that happened to her in 2005 have to do with her ability to cure a Motion for Contempt in 2008?

And if she was taking it so blessed seriously, why has she been held in Contempt again since then? Just in November of 2007? And why has her parenting time been reduced to every other weekend from 49% of the time? Because she takes Court Orders seriously? I don’t think so!

Respondent had been misinformed that the items in the Contempt Charge from 2005 were dischargeable in Bankruptcy discharged in February 2005.

Again, what the heck does that have to do with anything? The items for which she was found in Contempt in 2005 were from before 2005. But she knew, both when we filed the Motion for Judgment in April 2005 AND after we went to arbitration to deal with this same issue in June of 2005, that it wasn’t covered in the bankruptcy. She also knew that everything that occurred AFTER the bankruptcy would not be included in the bankruptcy, right? Because it’s not just some rolling “Get out of Jail Free” card.

Respondent did not knowingly refuse to pay monies owed to Petitioner in the Contempt finding and has since paid all outstanding Contempt monies from 2005 as of January 2008.

Um, yeah. She did… absolutely… refuse to pay. Since 2005? My Hubby has received not one, single penny of reimbursement for medical payments. Hence the second Contempt charge while we were in court in November 2007. What a ninny. And that little word she uses–”paid”? Not so much were the sums owed from prior to 2005 “paid”, as they were taken from her by force… by way of that Motion for Judgment in April 2005, and several Writs of Garnishment, resulting in her owing a LOT more than the initial balance because every Writ rolled some more attorney fees into the bundle. Not so bright, that one.

Petitioner has an extensive history of “saving” medical bills and not sending reimbursable medical expenses to Respondent in a timely manner. Petitioner will send groups of expenses he wishes to have reimbursed months after services are rendered and co-payments were made despite the fact that payment is due at time of service as evidence in most recent email sent by Petitioner.

Tea? China? Again? The order says he will send her the invoices (no timeframe) and she has 15 days to reimburse. If he has to wait for a statement to arrive and then send it, it could be as much as a couple of months later before she sees the bill. She makes it sound like he’s floating the payments or something, but then she says that the co-payments were made and payment is due at time of service, meaning he’s already out the money… I’m confused. Anyone else?

Petitioner did not submit bills for reimbursement of medical bills to Respondent until October 2007 for all reimbursable expenses from 2005-2007.

Hmmm. I suppose that’s why we handed that big stack of e-mail, dating back to 2005 pre-arbitration, to The Honorable What’s-His-Name (THWHN) to review and I guess that’s also why he found her in Contempt during that hearing. Is she actually questioning his ruling in 2007?

Because this Contempt motion is a whole separate issue. This? Is for bills we have received since that hearing. But I guess if she wants to question the order he’s already issued, that’s her deal.

Payments have been issued to Petitioner every Month since November 2007 in the amount of $100.00 as ordered by this court. Checks were issued:

November xx, 2007 Check #xyz $100.00
December xx, 2007 Check #abc $100.00
January xx, 2007 Check #def $100.00

Respondent believes that these payments have purposely been held by Petitioner as means to further damage Respondent’s credibility and pursue further legal actions as he has done for 7 years.

Right… While we were in court in mid-January, she stated that she had bank statements (oops, she forgot to bring them with her, so couldn’t show them to THWHN, but swore she had them, nonetheless) proving that she had issued payment to My Hubby.

Now how would that work exactly? If My Hubby, that big jerk, were actually holding those payments just to torture her, I’m not thinking that they would show up on her little, ol’ bank statement. So which is it? Are they on her statement? Or is he holding them? Can’t be both…

And really? What would be the purpose of him holding those checks? She’s already stated that he paid the co-payments at the time of service. Why would he NOT cash them if she had actually sent them? To further discredit her? Seriously. He doesn’t need to help her out in that arena. She’s darn fine at discrediting herself without his assistance.

And again? This Motion for Contempt is NOT related to the Contempt from November 2007. Her payments on that Contempt have nothing to do with whether she’s paid sums due since then.

Petitioner Testified to the Court in 2007 that no further medical bills were outstanding. Reimbursable medical bills that were submitted by the Petitioner with this Motion were for co-pays and prescriptions that were paid at time of service from September 2007-October 2007. Exhibit 2.

He never testified (Is that a proper verb requiring capitalization? Is she putting emphasis on it? Or is she just illiterate?) that no further medical bills were outstanding. He just provided what we had at the time. We have since received statements from providers, because there were two full months left in the year after our November hearing and statements we had not yet received, and have forwarded them on to her. Because that’s how normal people do things. And a side note? The exhibits she attached are actually bills from November 2007 through January 2008. So it’s a little funny that she attached proof that directly refutes her statements… to support her statements.

And again? This only has to do with things incurred since the November hearing.

Respondent alleges that Petitioner knew of these expenses before the November 2008 hearing and did not disclose these items to the Court or to Respondent at that time to further legal action which was discouraged by the court in September 2007.

I can see how that would be logical… that he knew about stuff from November onward prior to November. What? He used his ESP? He had a psychic? And? The hearing was in November of 2007… not 2008. Because we’re only two months into the great year of 2008. Where did this woman come from? Mars?

Respondent alleges that it is Petitioner that has shown disdain for the authority of the Court by furthering legal action discouraged by the Court. Petitioner has an extensive 7 year history of filing motions instead of attempting to communicate with Respondent.

Because really? Attempting to communicate with Respondent makes us all want to jump off of a very tall bridge. That extensive 7-year history? Right… two rounds of filings. One round in 2005 and another round in 2007, that is just continuing on and on and on, ad nauseum, because of her total and complete lack of brain function.

Respondent believes that Petitioner duplicated numerous charges or claimed payment that had not yet been made for reimbursable medical expenses in testimony in November 2007 in order to claim more monies than are owed for expenses.

Um… no. No duplication. If you look at the nice, orderly spreadsheet that was provided to both THWHN and ED, it shows a separate line item for each expense. Nothing is duplicated. While statements received may have an overlap of time and therefore appear to duplicate expenses, we are actually intelligent enough to break that out appropriately.

THWHN had NO problem with the math. And what could it possibly matter that he has paid or not? Didn’t she just say that he had to pay it all at the time of service? But if he didn’t, he would still have to pay. And she is still just as responsible for her half of all medical expenses incurred on behalf of the kids.

Respondent has attended appointments and paid co-payments for all appointments that Respondent has attended with the children in 2007 and has not received payment nor been credited for expenses by Petitioner.

Right. Because there’s this little document called a Court Order. And it says that Respondent will send invoices to Petitioner, by Certified Mail. When Petitioner receives those invoices, he will then reimburse Respondent within 15 days. No mail? No reimbursement. That’s the deal.

And? Two appointments really doesn’t even begin to make a dent in the almost $2K she now owes for 2007 alone.

Beginning February 28, 2008, Respondent will begin sending monthly payments to Petitioners home by certified mail to ensure delivery.

And how exactly were they sent before? I smell a rat with this one, though. I picture her sending an empty envelope via Certified Mail and claiming that it had something in it. Maybe we’ll videotape the opening of all Certified Mail from now on. Ugh. The things we have to do just to disprove her lies are incredible to me.

The bottom line is this:

The Order states that My Hubby will send her the bill via e-mail. She has 15 days from receipt of the bill to pay him her portion of the bill. She hasn’t done it. She hasn’t even tried. Not a $20 check here, or a $10 check there.

Not. One. Single. Penny. No effort. None. Zilch. Zero.

It’s that simple. All of that ridiculousness above? Pointless.

Tomorrow? Her responses to the Motion for Judgment…

Stay tuned.

We got a little notice from the Post Office this weekend.

It looks like we have some Certified Mail to pick up… from The Egg Donor.

Any bets on what it might be?

Otherwise known as a refreshing break from the insanity…

I tag:

• Daisy
• Lacey
• Blueydmuse (a new one in our circle, go check her out!)
• Lynda (who finally started blogging–YAY!)
• Christine (at The Bean Blog)

KiKi tagged me for this meme (and so did A New Beginning - thanks!). And I see their tag and raise them five more. Here are the rules:

1. Pick up the nearest book ( of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people & post a comment here once you post it to your blog, so I can come see.

Here’s mine:

“Then he had to dig a hole in the flower to get to it. In the meantime, I pulled the towels off the racks and used them as sandbags to keep the water from flooding the adjoining bedrooms. Then I attempted to scoop up some of the water and pour it into the shower stall with a small cleaning bucket I found under the sink.”

- From “Humor for a Woman’s Heart” Compilation (side note: the above does NOT sound very humorous, but the whole story really IS, I promise)

From: My Hubby
To: The Egg Donor

Shaggy was seen by Dr. X on Monday to follow-up on his Sick Child Visit from 2/1.  They put him on a different brand of inhaler but the medication is the same.  He needs to do one puff twice daily, although the label will say two puffs twice daily.

The doctor also checked the sore above his right knee and prescribed antibiotics for that.  The sore has become infected.  The antibiotics will treat the infection.  He will take the antibiotic twice daily for 7 days.  The sore and the things on his other knee that look like warts are both caused by a virus and will go away in time.  He suggested that Shaggy be encouraged not to pick at them or scratch them, and that we not try to drain them.

He also looked at Daphne’s arm, after she got her allergy shot, and discussed the reaction she was having with her.  He is not concerned about the reaction and suggested that, if it is painful, Ibuprofen would help.

Thanks.

**************************************

From: The Egg Donor
To: My Hubby

Per the arbitration order, you are to notify me in advance of Dr’s appointments, you are also to provide written documentation of what the Dr prescribed and the medical diagnosis and treatment path’s. I will also need written documentation to verify that the dosage on the label is wrong and that will need to be changed on the side of the inhaler as it is against federal law for the presrcibed dosage to be wrong on the side of the inhaler in case of emergancy.

I also received a folder on Saturday with the children’s homework from November and December. It is not in the childrens best interest for me to receive completed homework assisgnments that are 3 months old. I trust that this is an oversight and will not happen again. I also did not receive their backpacks as requested. They were unable to complete homework assignments, nor did I receive weekly newsletters or letters from the teachers that go out weekly. Parent teacher conference information that was sent home and confirmed with the school was also omitted. Please do not allow this to continue as it is not in the childrens best intersts.

Thank you,

The Egg Donor

**************************************

From: My Hubby
To: The Egg Donor

Egg Donor,

The homework and papers you received was what came home in their Friday folders.

Backpacks will not come to your house with them.  Homework is done before they get dropped off to you.

I am not required to notify you in advance of doctor’s appointments.  However, I sent you an e-mail on 2/16 in which I told you he would have a follow-up on 2/18.

Please see attached doctor’s instructions.

Thanks.

**************************************

Yap, yap, yap, yap,  yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap…

I hope that The Honorable What’s-His-Name just removes any requirements for communication between My Hubby and The Egg Donor (ED).  She makes it so very painful.  He can’t even have a simple conversation regarding medical information without her leveling accusations.  It drives me insane.

Note that she didn’t bother to voice any concerns over the very infected, very painful, pus-filled lesion on Shaggy’s leg (that she and the new creepy boyfriend had tried to drain several times over the weekend) to My Hubby, despite the fact that My Hubby notified her that were taking Shaggy to a follow-up on Monday.  Good thing I asked the little guy, after picking him up from ED, if there were any other things he wanted to talk with the doctor about.  I really asked because sometimes he has eczema  flare-ups. I like to have those addressed immediately before they get out of hand because, you know, that’s in his best interest.

I love the intimation that the doctor is somehow violating federal law by prescribing a larger dosage, but asking that we give him a smaller dosage for now.  For the love of all that is holy, he was trying to get us an inhaler that would last longer if he didn’t need to use it so much, and also maintain our ability to up the dosage if necessary, rather than having to call and run over to the pharmacy if he started not doing so well.  Stupid doctor… trying to be helpful.  What was he thinking?  Does he not know about these federal regulations?

I must admit that as he was describing the two puffs he would prescribe, and his desire to just have Shaggy do one for now and see how that goes, I knew that ED would make it an issue.  I just knew.   But I always wonder why it is that when the kids have real health issues she ignores them and then creates giant issues where none exist.  That is definitely NOT in the children’s best interest.

And have I mentioned recently that I can’t stand the way she throws those words around?  Best interest?  Like she actually has them in mind?  Please…

My fantasy reply to this one:

Get on some Haldol and leave the sane folks in peace, would you?  Soon.

When should a child NOT be exposed to their Mommy anymore? What’s the cutoff? What’s the level of insanity to which they should be subjected before someone cries foul and finally says it’s enough?

How about when:

• She neglects everything they need AND she manipulates them emotionally to the point that their reality is skewed on a consistent basis… to the point that therapy isn’t a nicety, it’s a necessity.
• She refuses to seek medical treatment for them, even when they have blue lips and throw up from coughing so much.
• She refuses to participate in treatment ordered by their doctors after My Hubby or I have sought medical treatment and, instead of getting better, they become more ill.
• She sends them to daycare and to school in clothing so filthy it makes me gag.
• She has them living in a 900 square foot apartment that is so covered in animal feces that the kids can only find filthy, long-sleeved shirts to wear in 90-degree heat.
• She refuses to pay daycare consistently to the point that even the children often wonder whether they will actually have daycare again the next week… to the point that the children spend their time over the summer trying to solve the problem of cheaper daycare for her by suggesting other providers that might be less expensive.
• She refuses to participate in their schooling in a healthy way. Instead of encouraging and rewarding good and responsible behavior and schoolwork, she chooses instead to pick fights with the kids’ teachers and accuse them of being the root of all of their problems.
• She refuses to participate in therapy.
• She sabotages therapy to the kids, claiming (in their presence) that our therapist is harmful to them, that they are in danger, and that she tells My Hubby everything they ever say.
• She refuses to pay for anything they need, to the point that she has already been found in Contempt of Court twice, will be found in Contempt again in April (no doubt in my mind), has had two separate Motions for Judgment and multiple Writs of Garnishment.
• She has declared bankruptcy, yet goes to Starbucks several times per week, gets her nails done, and eats lunch out every day, she is currently paying almost $700 per month for her car payment and still tells Daphne that she can’t afford to buy her bras.
• She regularly worries, despite her almost $700 per month car payment that she can make with no problem, in front of the kids, that she will be unable to pay for her apartment — the same amount as her car payment. The kids voice regular concern over being evicted.
• She promises dance classes for years at a time and never follows through.
• She does not attend parent/teacher conferences.
• She does not attend most school functions, resulting in many tears at the end of each function because of her non-attendance, despite her usual promise to be there.
• She tells them things like “You are such mean kids that no one wants to live here with you” when her boyfriends have had enough and move out.
• She tells them that she’s too ill to do anything with them.
• She tells them that they will likely have all of the illnesses she has had.
• She tells them that they are responsible for taking care of her if “anything should happen”.
• She never, in their lifetime, takes them to a dentist–even when she has primary custody, My Hubby only sees them two nights per week, she is ordered to carry Dental Insurance but refuses, and their teeth are rotting out of their heads.
• She never, in their lifetime, has a birthday party for them where they invite friends.
• She never, in their lifetime, takes them to get a haircut.
• She sends them home on the schoolbus to an empty apartment when the girls are just 7 and 9.
• She tells them, when we file our initial motion to modify parenting time to 51/49 that “Daddy is trying to take them away” and that “he never wants you to see Mommy again.”
• She teaches them to lie to their teachers and say that Daddy is abusing them.
• She tells them that Daddy destroys all of their things with his hunting knife so that they are scared of their Daddy for long periods of time.
• She sabotages their relationships with their friends.
• She rarely takes them to birthday parties they are invited to by friends from school and, if she does, she makes them feel guilty by telling them that their participation is cutting into their time with her.
• She sabotages their relationships with daycare providers.
• She parades a constant stream of men through her life, moving them in and out as fast as she can.
• She picks convicted, violent felons who have done hard prison time to be part of their lives and regularly leaves them alone with said felons.
• She directly ignores the opportunities given to her by the Court to continue to be a part of their lives. Remember that in November, The Honorable What’s-His-Name (THWHN) gave her the opportunity to continue the 51/49 parenting time as it was. She chose not to follow his orders, knowing that it would result in her parenting time being reduced to every other weekend.
• She deliberately disobeys the Court’s orders again. In January, he told her, in no uncertain terms, that he would suspend her time if she failed to attend therapy with the kids. She missed the very next day, attended once, and missed the following appointment due to her refusal to pay the outstanding balance.

Just since mid-January, she has failed to seek medical attention, has failed to provide proper medication, has refused to pay her portion of the medical bills, has refused to attend parent/teacher conferences, has called consistently and made the kids cry on the phone, has filed a complaint against the kids’ current daycare provider, has threatened to file a grievance against the therapist, has missed therapy twice, has sabotaged therapy directly, and has twisted their minds in any and every way she could think of.

While my heart breaks at the very thought of telling them that they won’t see Mommy, yes… I think it’s best. For everyone. I am hoping for some level of visitation–maybe two to four supervised dinner visits per month or something like that. But parenting time? No, I think she should be so very done with that. Because she’s not a parent.

I will not kid myself into thinking that it won’t be the toughest thing we’ve ever been through. But it IS the best thing…. when Mommy is poison and Mommy won’t do anything to seek help.

Just to attempt to put this all in perspective, no one would get away with treating an animal in the fashion I have described above. It would NOT happen.

In this state alone there is up to a $500,000 fine for cruelty, and up to 18 months in jail and/or up to a $5000 fine for neglect. There are many anti-cruelty laws out there that include mandatory counseling or education, community service, restitution, seizure of the animals, reimbursement for the cost of care, and limitations on future animal ownership… for maltreatment of a dog… or a cat… or a horse… or a guinea pig.

But it takes an Act of Congress to get a child removed from a situation like this.

When the kids were sleeping next to piles of clothes covered in dog feces and they couldn’t find any clothing to wear that didn’t have dog feces on it , but Social Services refused to act because “it didn’t rise to the level of a home visit,” I did a LOT of research.  If an animal were living in those conditions, I could call animal services and they would come and remove the animal… immediately.  And most likely? The owner would not get the animal back. The animal would be placed in a home where someone would care for it as it should be cared for.

The sad reality is that no matter what happens now these kids will have scars for a long time. And the establishment is now finding that the scars of emotional trauma and neglect (see her actions above) last far longer and run far deeper than the scars of physical abuse.  It is our job, mine and My Hubby’s, to minimize further damage and help soothe the scars that already there.

I know it’s the mother in us that cringes and backs away from the thought of them not seeing her anymore. It’s those heartstrings that get tugged when we hear “parenting time termination”. Would we feel the same if it was “parenting time termination” and “Father” in the same sentence?

So we’re really damned if we do, and damned if we don’t, right? If we follow through and the Court follows a natural progression, she loses “parenting time” with her kids and we’re the bad guys. If we don’t follow through, she maintains “parenting time” with her kids, the kids suffer horribly, and we’re still the bad guys.

Hasn’t she already done enough damage? She’s had a chance to be a Mother to these kids and she chose, instead, to be an Egg Donor… repeatedly. I don’t think she qualifies for the title anymore. She absolutely should lose her parenting time, and therefore lose the ability to continue to emotionally, spiritually and physically harm these kids in whatever new and twisted ways she can imagine.

Does biology, and specifically the fact that one has a uterus, really trump everything?

I guess only when it’s Mommy.

Because I am certain that if My Hubby had done the things listed above, he’d have been jailed long ago…. with no chance of ever seeing his children again…

And everyone would have agreed that justice had been served.