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Thursday Thirteen #3

June 7, 2007

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13 Reasons Corporate America Stinks:

1. The flourescent lighting makes my contacts dry out.

2. The pen supply is rationed, as is the notebook supply and the sticky note supply. We can spend $5 Billion on a new facility and $3K per quarter on “Team-Building”, but we can’t afford sticky notes? Are you kidding?

3. Corporate Lingo is so silly (see Corporate Lingo Bingo). Can’t we just speak English and drive on?

4. “Corporate Types” aren’t always polite (see Corporate Communication and Business Meeting Etiquette). Maybe we should have a Charm School, a la Nelson DeMille, just for this purpose.

5. We scheduled a meeting to discuss the fact that productivity is down, due to too many meetings. Need I say more?

6. The to-do list seems to have a direct inverse relationship to the headcount. Headcount gets cut, the to-do list gets longer.

7. They hired the Marketing Dude to manage IT… globally. Yep, he can sell ice to the Eskimos, but he thinks UNIX is something we do when we get rid of something. Do we really want him to make major decisions?

8. It takes 2.5 hours to get the actual project completed, but the planning, paperwork, and approval for the project takes 25 days.

9. The air conditioning system makes it sound like an airplane is getting ready to take off directly behind my cube.

10. Speaking of cubes… cubes are evil. Whoever thought it was a good idea to put a bunch of people in cubeland where every, single, blessed conversation is overheard by someone else, like it or not, should be hung from their toenails until dead.

11. Office politics are a constant. I see more finger-pointing, backstabbing, character assassination, buck passing and blamestorming in a week than I saw during my entire Junior High career.

12. Scope Creep. Contrary to popular belief, this is not about new things being added into a project after the requirements have been gathered and the budget and timeline have been set in stone. This is the alternate name for the Marketing-Dude-Now-Head-of-IT. He earns this title when he comes up with the grand idea of introducing sweeping change, while simultaneously doing the ostrich thing on the risk involved and refusing to “quantify” skill, knowledge and experience.

13. Outsource, insource, outsource, insource, outsource, insource. This is the seven-year cycle that all Corporations seem to go through that does not actually save them one red cent, but causes an abundance of issues from the loss of skills, to a marked decrease in productivity, to a sharp decline in morale, and many more. I wonder why we don’t examine the track records of those around us (who, by the way, have insourced again because outsourcing was so painful and saved them NOTHING), instead of bowing to the promise of the almighty dollar (not quantified, mind you).

Stay tuned for next week’s list of 13 Reasons I’m Still Here (even though it stinks).

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. June 7, 2007 9:50 am

    I am beginning to think you work at the same place as my wife.

  2. June 7, 2007 4:14 pm

    I feel your pain. I, fortunately, do not work in a Corp. job now, but have in the past. My hubby does. One day this week they called all 200 employees to a “state of the company meeting” with the CEO. There were no chairs…they all had to sit on the floor. And CEO called himself and his other top executive cronies “The God Pod”. Puh-leese.

  3. June 11, 2007 5:42 am

    Love this post. I left the corporate world for bluer skies only to find myself with a company that is becoming more corporate each day. Lucky for me, at the moment, we still sit in the dark and I can openly display my right arm which is tattooed with a Halloween themed sleeve. Regarding point number 10, you should check out this article about the creator of the cube. Apparently, he would agree with you. 🙂

  4. June 13, 2007 4:15 am

    @Sparky Duck – It’s certainly possible, although I’m on the endangered species list at my place of employment. I think men outnumber us 60 to 1.

    @Jill – Unreal. There should be a law about anyone running a company that has that kind of an issue. Tell your hubby to find other employment, and fast!

    @Eric B – great article! It’s pretty funny that the cube creator doesn’t even like them. Poor guy tried to do something decent and, of course, his plans were used for evil instead! 🙂

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