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How to find me

August 2, 2007

Peg posted awhile back on the ways folks had gotten to her blog via search engines. It was entertaining and I thought I’d share with you (read: shamelessly rip off her blogging topic) some of the interesting (and sometimes downright disturbing) things folks have searched for… and ended up with me!

fairy dishwasher odors – does the fairy bring the odors or take them away? I can’t actually recall having a problem with dishwasher odors… or fairies, for that matter.

vicuprofen info – I know. It’s good stuff, isn’t it? No, I didn’t fill the prescription I got from the dentist. And if I had, and I hadn’t taken all of my pills, I would not, under any circumstances, give them to you. No. No is the answer. You’ll have to go and get your own perio-scaling done.

I’ll pay you to suck my toe – There are fetishes, and then there are fetishes. I’m pretty sure I never wrote anything on my blog about anyone sucking anyone else’s toes. That’s just company information, right there. Don’t wanna know. Not even a little bit. Really don’t wanna know if someone’s getting paid for that.

Alaska oldest wore house – First, I have no idea what someone would do in a wore house. Is that somewhere that people try on clothing, or what? If you really meant a whorehouse, then shame on you for entering that into a search engine. Shame on you even more for looking on my blog for something like that, like I would know! I’m traumatized for life. Yes, we went to the bar in Alaska at 9:30 in the morning and drank Jack Daniels (you have to when it’s The Red Dog Saloon–Wyatt Earp drank there at 9:30 in the morning, you know), but I know absolutely zilch-a-roonie about whorehouses, or wore houses, in Alaska.

get animal poop mailed – seriously. If you feel the need to box it up and mail it to someone, you should seek therapy… immediately! Can’t you just put it in a bag on the doorstep like everyone else?

animals getting raped – um… ok… people actually think about this topic enough to type it into Google or whatever? I’m scared. Someone hold me.

spanking him pants off thermometer – you had me right up to the thermometer part. I’m struggling with how the thermometer fits into the picture, though. Never mind. I’m not sure I want to know. Are you related to the animal poop mailer?

Disclaimer: Stephanie’s Place does not endorse in any way, shape or form the removal of pants from children, nor the spanking of the aforementioned children, unless that’s acceptable in your household and then you go right on ahead as long you don’t hurt the little monkey physically or psychologically, but don’t hold me liable for telling you it was ok because I never said any such thing and I’m proclaiming right here and now that depantsing and/or spanking could warp a child for life. I mean, really, look at me.

crazy names to call a peg – I can see looking up crazy names to call Peg (no offense intended, Peg), because you can’t just come up with them on your own, but I’m not sure why you’d need to search for crazy names to call A peg. Isn’t it really just a peg?

dentist gas husband – did y’all have a fight this morning, too? I know the feeling! If you have questions about the amount of pain anyone at the dentist’s office might inflict on your soulmate, please refer to my Medieval Torture post.

peoples real crazy names – did you mean “real crazy” or “real, crazy” names? Cuz some folks have some “real crazy” names, let me tell you–like Kal-el and such. If you’re looking for real, crazy names, you could try some of the name generators out there, maybe.

getting hubby to obey – dear God in Heaven, if you have found the answer, please leave a comment… IMMEDIATELY. The rest of us ladies are dying to know! Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, leave us hanging on this one. Never mind. he’s not any more likely to obey me than I am to obey him. I guess that’s fair, huh?

dawn donuts sewing kit – did you need to stock your sewing kit with donuts? At dawn? Were you sewing at dawn and needed donuts? Did you need a kit to create donuts by sewing… at dawn? I’m so confused.

are we mistaken – most likely, yes. ‘Nuff said.

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10 Comments leave one →
  1. August 2, 2007 7:35 am

    A lot of these are very funny. I never thought of just how people could find me on the web. That you for the laugh, but sorry that you are found in such weird ways.

  2. August 2, 2007 8:40 am

    Okay, I laughed out loud and my coworkers grimaced. Personally, I can’t be found…in my brain, in my house or even in my own sneakers. I don’t know where I went. I went away about 5 or 6 years ago when I realized I deliberately became a stepmom.

  3. Lynda permalink
    August 2, 2007 9:04 am

    Very funny stuff! This kind of reminds me of the “______ needs” search on Google thing that we all did a while back.

    Oh,and if you get that “getting hubby to obey” thing figured out PLEASE clue me in! LOL

  4. clevergrl permalink
    August 2, 2007 9:42 am

    I had thought about writing something like this. Apparently I thought too long…Oh well! Yours are even more entertaining than mine!

  5. August 2, 2007 6:41 pm

    Thanks, all. I needed some lightheartedness after the past week. And these truly made me laugh when I looked at them. OK, a couple were pretty scary… but overall really funny. Thanks for reading–thanks for commenting! I live for comments, did I mention that? ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. August 3, 2007 5:30 am

    And hey, clevergrl, feel free to rip off my blog topic. I did. ๐Ÿ™‚ Why reinvent the wheel, I say. I’d love to see what yours are!

  7. August 6, 2007 6:38 am

    Hey! I wanna do it too! Bloglifting… ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. August 11, 2007 2:00 am

    crazy names to call a Peg–start with Margaret, CRAZY I tell you!

    I think there is actually a website that WILL mail animal to the recipient of your choice. Never done it, but the idea is actually enticing!

    It’s so funny to find what bizarre searches bring random folks to one’s blog, isn’t it?

    ๐Ÿ˜€

  9. Chloe permalink
    May 30, 2009 12:21 am

    Hi-
    i am a new stepmom, 2 years in, getting married to my lovie in September. Bio is torturing us, I am at my wits end.
    -C

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