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The Guns

July 28, 2008

When I woke up this morning, I heard lots of thudding and clanking coming from the basement. Since it was only 6:30, and I had… um… sort of a long, busy weekend, I wasn’t really all that together yet. I briefly wondered if the dog had gotten out of her crate and squeezed through the cat door to wreak her own personal brand of havoc on my Christmas decorations, or if the cat might be stuck underneath something down there, but I put it out of my head in favor of a couple of more minutes of snuggling my pillow.

When my eyes finally opened for real, the sounds were still there. But I needed the hot water blast from the shower more than I needed to know what it was, so I stumbled into the bathroom to do that instead.

When I got out of the shower the sounds were gone, and my mind was a million miles down the road already. As I exited my bedroom door, bathrobe and slippers on, to see what the rest of my family members were doing (read: to keep the rest of my family members on track so we might have a shot at leaving the house prior to the year 2010), I was pleasantly surprised to see both boys in the kitchen, freshy scrubbed, completely dressed, making lunches. They both turned as I wandered in to survey their lunch-making efforts, and Freddy immediately put my mind at ease about the noises from basement.

“We worked out this morning, Mom,” he said proudly.

Let me explain that it’s the beginning of football season and both boys just finished up a week of conditioning camp. They’re both athletically inclined (which is great because I have the athletic ability of an overripe cantaloupe on a hot day), and conditioning camp inspired them to greatness. Freddy has done at least 7,985,432 pushups in the past four days, dropping to his hands and toes to “give me 50” with a look of intense concentration in the most unlikely places–like our living room floor in the middle of Spongebob, the Wal-Mart parking lot, the entryway to our neighbor’s house, and the driveway. Shaggy has been the same, doing sprints and agility exercises every time he can squeeze them in.

“Great honey,” I replied, hunting for the Diet Dr. Pepper and a glass. “What kind of workout did you do?”

“We lifted weights!” he continued, his eyes sparkling.

Suddenly I knew exactly where the sounds in the basement had been coming from and, like any mother would, I was worried about him using the weight bench that’s been gathering dust in the cobwebbed corner down there since, oh, 2003 or so.

“Excellent,” I said cautiously, not wanting to destroy his enthusiasm. “Were you careful? Which weights did you use?”

“We were careful,” interjected Shaggy, “And we only used the two and a half pound weights.”

I nodded. “Good.”

“Do you think if I keep lifting weights I’ll get really buff, Mom?” asked Freddy.

I bit my cheeks to keep from smiling and said, “You’re nine years old. You’re not supposed to be BUFF. But exercise is good for you. Everything in moderation, OK? Let’s not get too carried away with this.”

Shaggy nodded and Freddy flexed both arms to show me the progress he’d already made.

“See Mom? These are my guns.” He nodded toward his left arm and said, “I named this one Rifle ’cause it’s not very big yet,” then nodding toward his right arm, “But this one… I named it Bazooka. It’s got potential.”

I couldn’t stop the smile this time as I nodded and then shook my head. Visions of Mr. T filled my head and I thought to myself, “It’s been a LONG time since the A-Team was on TV.”

“Yeah,” he said, still flexing as I turned back to grab my Diet Dr. Pepper, “My guns are SO big… I should be illegal!”

Illegal, indeed. Where do they come up with these things?

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10 Comments leave one →
  1. July 28, 2008 1:53 pm

    He comes up with these things because he is is mother’s son and quite a smart little cookie!

    Thanks for the smile today! I really enjoyed the story!

    Love you guys!

  2. Tulip Girl permalink
    July 28, 2008 2:19 pm

    Ahhh football. It does the most bizarre things to people of the male persuasion.

  3. July 28, 2008 2:59 pm

    A little busy over the weekend? Really? Doing what?

    Ha!

    Cute story.
    J

  4. July 28, 2008 3:34 pm

    HA! That was awesome.

  5. cassee01 permalink
    July 29, 2008 4:08 am

    A great way to start the day..with a smile. Thanks!

  6. onlythestepmother permalink
    July 29, 2008 4:44 am

    Boys are the best. They always come up with the best stuff. And it sounds like he has his mama’s humor too!

  7. July 29, 2008 6:03 am

    LOL! My stepsons brag about their washboards all the time and are always asking if we’ve got out tickets yet….to the gun show.
    Could be because of my husband and his massive biceps, but they are quite entertaining.

  8. July 29, 2008 6:46 am

    This is what I overheard in the gym the other day…

    “Man, those guns are SMOKING!”…

    I think this evening, you should ask how Rifle and Bazooka are doing!

    LOL
    -d

  9. a new beginning permalink
    July 29, 2008 8:16 am

    LOL Boys are great.

    Maybe you could use this to your advantage next time you need help with bringing the groceries in.
    Here Boys, work on those muscles.

  10. August 4, 2008 8:04 pm

    Rifle and Bazooka? These are definantly your kids…..

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