About Me
I’m a fairly ordinary gal, making an attempt to navigate the sometimes shark-infested waters of marriage and wifedom, parenting and step-parenting. I have an amazing husband and five wonderful kids–five for the price of one labor, a serious bargain for me. Though I gave birth to one, I love all of them as if they were mine. I believe that biology is overrated and the simple act of giving birth to another human being does not uniquely qualify one to parent.
Life for us has been a constant rollercoaster since 2001 when the first round of Court battling began. My ex and I get along well. My Hubby’s ex-wife, on the other hand, is certifiable, undiagnosed Borderline (BPD). We have been to Court so many times now that the case file is now on it’s fifth volume, we long ago fired our third attorney and started working for ourselves, and we are on our fourth judge. We’ve been through mediation, arbitration, and every other machination possible in trying to work with her, but it’s just not possible. We are dealing with what the State calls “High Conflict Divorce.”
Now? We’ve moved into a sort of survival mode. We try to stay out of Court, out of Arbitration, out of any attorney’s office or e-mail chain, if possible. The roller coaster has slowed down significantly over the past year and for me, healing has begun.
This is where I put my feelings about it all–happy, sad, angry, or indifferent–working toward more happy than sad, angry, or indifferent. I put it here because my friends who are not Stepmothers or Bonus Moms or just “Not a Party to This Action,” my family members, and my co-workers really have no idea how it is for those of us who walk in those shoes daily.
I have gained much from this community of bloggers, of fellow Stepmoms, of suffering Dads. I hope I can give back as much.
LIVING ARRANGEMENT?
One husband, four kiddos (two girls, two boys at home, one girl grown and on her own) and two crazy dogs.
WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Understanding the Borderline Mother
WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSEPAD?
The logo of one of my former employers – sometimes it evokes good memories, sometimes not so much.
FAVORITE BOARDGAME?
Cranium. Really I’m much more a fan of cards–Hearts, Spades, Speed, you name it.
FAVORITE MAGAZINE?
People – it’s a sickness. I’m seeking therapy.
FAVORITE SMELL?
Baby Magic Baby Shampoo – it’s been a long time since I’ve smelled it, though.
LEAST FAVORITE SMELL?
Mildew. A close second is rotting food, particularly when it’s coming from the backpack of any of my children.
FAVORITE SOUND?
My kiddos laughing. (“Mommy, I love you” is right up there, too.)
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
How can it be morning already?
FAVORITE COLOR?
Purple – any shade.
FAVORITE FRUIT?
Strawbabies.
HOW MANY RINGS TO ANSWER THE TELEPHONE?
Depends on how deeply it has been buried in my purse.
WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE?
God and family. Although chocolate is pretty important, too.
FAVORITE FOOD?
Anything My Hubby is cooking, and any kind of seafood.
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
Is there really even a choice here?
DO YOU DRIVE FAST?
Nope, drive like a grandma (no offense intended to anyone who might be a grandma, especially my mother who is a grandma but absolutely does NOT drive like one)
DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
Does my husband count?
STORMS: COOL OR SCARY?
Cool, definitely.
DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?
Absolutely!
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HAIR COLOR?
On me? Anything that does not involve red the color of a stop sign, or roots.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
Definitely. Right now, on so many levels.
IS YOUR GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY?
It depends on how many chores are left to do on the chore list.
WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE MOVIES?
The Notebook
Amazing Grace
The Shawshank Redemption
The Sandlot
Pretty Woman
DO YOU USE THE RIGHT KEYS WHEN WORKING ON A KEYBOARD?
Yes, thanks Mom for making me take keyboarding as a youngster. We’re continuing that tradition in our household with Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing. The kids haven’t figured out that they’re actually learning something yet.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER?
7
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?
Figure skating’s not bad, hockey is ok. Outside of those, sports are really not my thing, unless one of my kids is competing in something.
WHO IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE BAND OR RECORDING ARTIST?
Third Day
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BEVERAGE?
Diet Dr. Pepper or Diet Coke – nectar of the gods.
In this house, I'm the Mama... 
Keep lookin up!
Not sure if this is how to get a hold of you or not, I’m a stepmom to 2 boys, 10 and 8, and a mom to 2 boys, 16 and 13. Also in the middle of a custody battle for my oldest, we won custody of my husband’s two and life has never been the same. My stepchildren aren’t monsters, they just want to see their mom more, but some of the things they’ve said just to get to that point are unreal and have caused so much chaos. I would love to get the password from you…
Revealing
I actually knew some of this about you!
Baby Magic Shampoo is my favorite too!!! The problem is, I think they have changed it recently and I haven’t been able to get the old stuff…..
My little guy is still only fuzzy, but when he starts needing it, I need to have that smell!!
Mind if I barrow this for my About me page lol… I hate trying to think of stuff to write there… Maybe I will just post a “everyone ask me something for my about me page” post lol.
@Chelly – Borrow away! I had a tough time coming up with things for my About Me page, too. I took this stuff from one of those e-mails someone sent me with a bunch of questions about me. 🙂
Awesome blog! I look forward to reading it 😉 ANd thanks for the post on my page.
Cheers!
People magazine is (shamefully) my favorite too. I’d like to say that the Heroes Among Us section is my favorite, but it’s really the paparazzi pics in the front.
My favorite is People too. Although I never buy the magazine (I only look at it when I am in the grocery store). However, I am so addicted to their website. http://www.people.com I click on it endlessly through-out the day.
You know it is bad when my 12 yr. old step-daughter, comes to me with the “who’s and what’s” of the entertainment world!
People is da bomb!!
i opened my blog recently more to say in coming future
want to share more and more with the people hope the whole worlid in peace and love mithout enemity.my email
raghunandan_reddy@yahoo.com
I would like the password, if you please. I mostly lurk, but I check here everyday and send little prayers your way when you’ve posted about something you’re struggling with.
You can send it to pamcee71 at yahoo dot com. Thanks!
I love your blog and am going thru a lot with an ED. I would like a pssword so i can continue reading your blog. Thanks!
i love your blog- please send me a password
I love your blog… I had the password but lost my email that was sent to me… can I please have it again… thanks!
Ann
Can I get a password. I used to read all of the time but them you went protected and I could not figure out where to comment to request a password…I hope you get it here. BTW: I am a mom in Indiana. I have two SS (9 an 10) and one BS (10) and one BD (8). I am always interested in hearing someone elses stories of being a step mom.
Thanks
I’m Minnie at http://www.theirwickedstepmother.blogspot.com, I’d love to have a look around.
I’m a stepmom…..dealing with a lot of issues due to a controlling ex-wife. We have 6 kids between us.
I’d love to read your blog.
🙂
Hi, I’m a stepmom looking for resources and support. I liked your blog title and would like to start following it.
My domestic partner has full legal, primary physical of his/our 3 1/2 year old boy.
Hi! I have been browsing different sites involving blended families and came across yours! I would love to see your point of view. I am currently a stepmom of an 11 yr old boy and a 9 yr old girl as well I have my own 11 yr old son! I always dreamed of being a “Stepmom” when I grew up, didn’t every little girl? This is what I have advised my stepkids of when dealing with the most difficult times and needed them to stand in my shoes for a moment. Oh and did I mention I also have the evil bio mom who’s ultimate goal in life is to make mine as difficult as possible…
Hi, i’ve been meaning to ask if i can take a peak into your life.
I think you’ve read some about me on my blog. If you want to know more to ensure i’m not from the “dark side” just ask 🙂 Thanks
Glad I kept the link to your blog (seem to not have your current email) so I can still get in touch with you! Hope you and the fam are well and had good holidays. I’d love the password (I don’t think you had that when you sent me the URL in 2007). And you should join Facebook — sudden influx of all sorts of folks from our class including some FABULOUS photos from the ’80s…
Hi, aaagh! I lost your password again. I remember it being ndrpr1vacy or something like that? Can you send it to me? I am dying to read your blog!
Hi,
I am a step-mom.
I have a 10 year old daughter from a previous marriage that my husband adopted. My step-daughter is 9 and we have joint custody. Our youngest daughter is 3. My husband and I have been married for 5 years and been together for 7 years.
We LOVE our kids – our worlds revolve around them all of them. In our home there is no separation, step, half, adopted or whatever. Just our family.
The ex-wife has never really liked me being in the picture – everything is my fault somehow. Even their divorce which was over a year before I even came around – amazing what people can convince themselves of isn’t it? Anyways! I have done really well not to let her get to me, just let my husband deal with her on the must issues and on everything else – listen to her, be respectful but not let her control or manipulate things in our home.
Then last year we got hit with a bomb and completely blind sited.
My husband went to pick up SD on her birthday for his 2 hours with her – but his ex wouldn’t let him have her. She wouldn’t even open the door and she called the cops. It all sounds dramatic but it really wasn’t. Husband remained calm, showed the cops the court papers and they were on his side. But they couldn’t make her release SD so they suggested husband file contempt of court.
She knew this cause the next day she took SD to doctor – who prescribed tylenol. And then she went to an attorney and sued my husband for custody stating the reason was that I was physically and verbally abusing my step-daughter.
Now this is absurb for so many reasons! My husband is an excellent father – never misses his time with SD – never misses child support – I mean from the moment I met him his world has revolved around his kids. I have never ever hurt my step-daughter I can’t even remember the last time I spanked her on her bottom and even then I have never done anything that could even remotely be considered abuse.
Suddenly I needed support from other step-moms – thats how I found your site.
The ex has no evidence – NONE! She can’t even remember any dates as to when the alleged abuse happened. The school supports our case, even the ex’s own father is on our side.But with tricks from her attorney she has managed to draw out this lawsuit for almost a year now. We have all gone to a third party psychologist for an evaluation – he has cleared me of ANY and ALL wrong doing. We counter sued for extended visitation which was recommended by the psychologist and our attorney believes we will get hands down.
Right now we are waiting to see if the ex will acceept the psychologist’s version of what is best for my step-daughter in mediatation OR if she wants to make herself look silly and go to trial which will cost us all an arm and a leg but in the end will still result in the psychologist recommendation of more time with us.
I have just been SO disappointed as to how INNOCENT GOOD Dads and Step-Mom’s can be drug through this stress, money and heart-ache because of an insecure and jealous ex-wife.
I know I sound bitter but I promise you that it is a recent result from this lawsuit – prior to this lawsuit and what she has accused me of I was the biggest advocate of peace and respect between our 2 homes – her daughters homes and family. I went out of my way to be nice to her and to get along. But to her getting along is getting her way – she has difficulty accepting fair compromises it either works her way or she throws fits.
Well anyways that is my Step-Mommy stress – makes me sad to pay for our lawyers retirement rather than investing in us. And I dread future graduations, weddings and grandkids to share with her. Send me your password if you care to share your blog I would love to check it out.
Kimberly
Hello!
I am a stepmom of an 8 year old little girl. Her dad and I started dating when she was 2 and we have been married since 2005. DH has joint custody and we see SD every other weekend. We have our share of problems with BM. Your blog was recommended by somone in another forum with a similar theme (I would be happy to tell you which if you email me privately). I’m always searching for insight and I heard your blog is the best!
Take care,
Enough Already
Hi there!
I had actually read your blog quite frequently before you had to password protect it. Then I was unsure about asking for a password but decided I should just do it!
Anyway, so I will let you know a little bit about me and my family. I have been a “stepmom” for almost 3 years and this weekend we are making it official!!! I only have 1 Stepson who I will call Henry. He is 11yrs old now(8 when dad and I met).
I had met Gary(Dad)after BM filed for divorce. Unfortunately all the legal stuff wasn’t completely finalized but we just really hit it off…so after 1.5 yrs of dating & a 1.5 year engagement, we are getting married! Henry seems to be pretty excited, don’t think he completely understands because for 3 years I have been stepmom anyway. Henry literally lives with us 50% of the time, every other week schedule. He seems to do pretty well for the most part. We know he still struggles because an every other week schedule has to be pretty difficult. No set routine….and as most parents now, kids depend on that.
For the most part though BM leaves us alone. She didn’t bother much with Henry when her and Gary were married and still doesn’t have much interest in him now. School work, school parties, assemblies, sport practices, games, etc. are all taken care of by Gary and I – regardless of which week it is. Unfortunately Henry will always hold on to that hope and wonder why BM didn’t bother with him. But Fortunately Henry does realize that Gary and I are always there for him and can depend us.
Anyway that is a quick overview of my little family and if you don’t mind giving me a password I would love to get back into reading your blog again!!! Thanks! ~MommaJac
From one wicked step mother to another, I would love read your blog.
There isn’t much to say about myself, although you are welcome to check out my blog to find out about my wonderful life *eyeroll*.
Anyone who calls diet coke the nectar of the gods is a friend of mine!
Hi!
My name is “Rose”. I am a “one day to be” stepmom of 2 kiddos. My partner, Clint has a 13 year old girl and a 10 year old boy. We are currently in a custody battle (That after two years should finally be seeing the inside of a court room next week….although I have thought that three other times and it has yet to happen). His ex is…insane….and probably a drug addict. It’s not pretty. I recently started my own blog just to get things off of my chest and hopefully connect with other women who have been or are in similar situations. I have the greatest friends in the world, but not one of the understands fully what I’m going through. I would very much like to be able to read your blogs….but I understand if that is not something you want to share with me. If you need any other info, please let me know.
Thank you.
HELP! I can’t remember the password to your blog……….I’m DYING to read what’s been happening in your world.
You can email it to me at tia0220@hotmail.com
Thanks
Kristin
Hi there! I would absolutely love to learn more about you and your family. I was until recently a single, active duty (deployed) mother of 2 ( son,8 and daughter,6) (who are with my parnets until I return). My fiance’ is also active duty and the father of 2 (son,9 daughter,7). I have never navigated the “bonus mom” role and am finding comfort in knowing that Im completely normal to be excited, welcoming, scared, slightly intimidated and just plain lost, all at the same time.
Hi! I would love to be able to read your blog as it’s so nice to be able to read other stepmoms’ advice and what they’re going through. It’s not an easy job, but it’s a rewarding one (sometimes : )). I just started my own blog very recently, feel free to check it out!
Thanks,
Tulip
familyinbloom@gmail.com
Hi-
I just recently started my own blog, and have been looking for others who are in a simillar situation as me. So I hope you will let me read along to your blog. My husband and I met when my SS was 5 (I call him “the Kid” its not mean, just to protect identities) and we married in 2008 after being together for 4 years.
We have 50/50 custody, and while Bio Mom can be evil, her issue is usually sheer laziness. So it is difficult trying to raise a child who’s mother acts like everyone should do everything for her, and always has an excuse, because he begins to bahave the same way.
Its also difficult because, while I don’t say I am perfect, I do think a I am a GOOD step mom. I try to do what is in his best interest, to help him grow up to be a good person. It is very difficult when there is no recognition of my effort and I am always picking up the slack, because her laziness hurts “the Kid” so I can’t make him suffer for his mothers laziness.
The only thing that gets Bio mom off her butt to start acting like a parent (rare moments) is the fact that I think she gets embarassed by her lack of involvement in her sons life and I make her look bad. Like when it took her 6 months to make him a Dr. appt so I finally did, and suddenly her schedule cleared up and she could take him.
So anyway, it would be nice to see what other women in my position are going through, because I don’t know any other step moms. All my friends are still single for the most part, or they don’t have any kids. And we are the first “blended” family on my side of the family tree.
Thanks
Hi, your front page says to leave a comment for the password. I am a stepmom to one step-daughter from my husband’s previous relationship. I found your blog through TheStepFamilyLife page.
I’d be happy to answer any other questions privately through email. 🙂
Thank you
I hope you’ll share your password with me. I kept up with your blog for a very long time. My husband’s exwife has BPD. I might’ve found you from the BPD Central board. Sadly, our marriage didnt last. I thought I was being smart…I didnt marry until I was 30. We didnt make it 5 years. But I know I tried all I could. As you know…without the husband’s support…it just wont work. My only therapy and release was from these fabulous blogs. I stayed away from the blogs for a long time after the seperation..but know I’m back. It still helps me. Thanks!!
Hi, I am a “practical stepmom” of 2 kids, ages 6 and 8. We all live together though I am not married to the children’s dad. I have been reading all I can on stepmoms and dealing with ex’s etc, and came across your site via Mrs. H’s. I’d I would like to follow your blog, too. I’m hoping to start my own blog soon, and I’ll be sure to pass on the info as soon as I get my act together enough to post something! Thanks for sharing your experiences. 🙂
All about Me:
My husband Matt and I recently married after 4 years of cohabitating. We have a blended family of 6, and it makes for a fun filled life. We have our ups and downs as all families do we just need bigger bumper pads than most. Having some additional support from others who understand our unique situation definitely helps. I look forward to reading more of your posts … Here more about me..
My name is Kimberly..
LIVING ARRANGEMENT?
One Husband – 6 Kids – (4 Boys 21, 20, 8, 4) (2 Girls 18, 12)
2 Shitzus Dori & Nemo who have 2 Shitzu’s Loki & Applesauce
2 Ragdoll Cats Gazo & Patches
WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSEPAD?
I don’t have a mousepad I use a notebook
FAVORITE BOARDGAME?
Scrabble
FAVORITE MAGAZINE?
Cosmopoliton – I know I Know I can’t believe I actually wrote it down – my favorite part is the “Bitch it out” page
FAVORITE SMELL?
Lavender.
LEAST FAVORITE SMELL?
.Moth Balls
FAVORITE SOUND?
My kiddos laughing. (”Mommy, I love you” is right up there, too.)
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
How lucky I am.
FAVORITE COLOR?
FAVORITE FRUIT?
Banana’s
HOW MANY RINGS TO ANSWER THE TELEPHONE?
2-3
WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE?
Time
FAVORITE FOOD?
Cheese
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
Vanilla
DO YOU DRIVE FAST?
No
DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
Dogs?
STORMS: COOL OR SCARY?
Scary
WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
1975 Chevy Caprice – Called it the Luv Machine :o)
DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?
The kids favorite veggies so we have these (2-3) times a week so YES…
WHAT WOULD BE YOUR FAVORITE JOB IN THE WORLD?
I once had someone tell me do what you love and the money will come. So I am a system’s analyst and I have always’s wanted to do that I have done this for 20 years and I love it. So I guess I would have to say it is my “Favorite Job”
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HAIR COLOR?
I like my hair – I am a natural Red Hed
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
I am now.
IS YOUR GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY?
Half Full
WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE MOVIES?
What Dreams May Come
Home for the Holidays
What the Bleep do We Know
DO YOU USE THE RIGHT KEYS WHEN WORKING ON A KEYBOARD?
Yes.
.
WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED?
Dog Toys.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER?
3
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?
Don’t watch Sports
WHO IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE BAND OR RECORDING ARTIST?
Jason Miraz
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BEVERAGE?
Coffee Coffee Coffee JAVA
I’d love to read your blog, just started my own up and have been reading other blogs to help navigate the world of step-kids and crazy ex’s.
Hi! I am a Stepmom-in-training – meaning that I live with my boyfriend who has a daughter but we’re not married yet. Definitely heading in that direction!
I LOVE his daughter with all my heart but Bio-Mom likes to make my life difficult.
Just looking to share information and stories – I don’t come from a divorced family and none of my friends’ significant others have kids so I’m sort of going this alone.
I’d love your password to share.
Thanks!
MB
Hi there–I’ve been reading for a long time (though mostly lurking lately due to nursing school.)
I was wondering if you or your husband have any good resources for representing yourself in court. We’ve got to draw up an answer to a motion to dismiss and I’d be ever so thankful for any assistance/advice/pointing in the right direction!
Thanks-Darra
Hi, just saw this blog mentioned on thepsychoexwife and I’d like to read it. I’m a stepmom to two kids and regular mom to one.
I am a step mom to be, and I found your blog from Mrs H and would love to read and follow your blog please. My fiance and I have been living together a little more than a year, with the wedding 6 months from now. BM is getting worse and I am trying to find all the tips I can on how to make things work as smooth as possible. Plus it’s been comforting to know I’m not the only one in this situation. Thanks!
I would love to read your blog. I have 2 Step-sons that DH has sole-legal custody of and 3 Bio-sons.
Hi there! I’m a new stepmom to twin boys 🙂 Love them and their wonderful dad to pieces. Your site was recommended to me and I would love to check it out!
Hello, interested in reading your blog. I am a divorced mom to a four year old daughter. My boyfriend has two girls as well and is currently going through a long custody battle with a crazy/maniplicated women. Someone from another website recomended I check this one out :))
I’ve been on the thepsychoexwife.com site for a while and mister-m reccomended that i check out your blog. i’m a hater of all things crazy, esp. a crazy ex wife and have devoted alot of my time on my own blog poking fun at her and giving tips to others, all in the vein of humor (or at least i think it’s funny) i would love to read your blog and learn more about your dealings with an ex. never ceases to amaze me how similar things are.
take care,
angrydad
I also would love to subscribe to your blog! I am married to a wonderful man and have a bonus son added to my life and deal with a dreadful PEW. If she is not attempting to create any type of havoc (frivolous court motions, nasty emails, nasty messages, attempt PAS to step-son, etc.) then the day is not complete! We’ve learned a lot in the years but if it weren’t for meeting others suffering from the same life, we wouldn’t be where we are today.
ok, this is very amazing to me…I’ve recently discovered StepMom magazine and seems I’ve been floating around in space while others have taken this odd thing we call internet to a better use than shopping and sending/recving the same ol jokes.
I married my soulmate in 2000. Maybe that sounds corny to some bc I didnt blve in it either and well maybe I should blog about this bc my friends all call me Cinda fuckin Rella….and I suppose its true…Not only is he soooooo jaw-dropping handsome (THICK black hair-Celestial Blue eyes and a a chest like Hercules)…seriously…well we’ve been married 10 yrs (from 38-48) sooo now he’s still as handsome as ever to me.. but you know..we all age…but there is botox…
anyooooozing…He has the quintesential BioMOMster ~ I mean I’ll put this LOOO HOOOO HOOON up against ANY out there….
BACK to my feeling of total exhilaration over this “new” outlet with you ladies all in my boat and I didnt even know…..how wonderful for us all….HOW friggin’ Cathartic ??? VERY!!
So I have 4 WONDERFUL stepkids and 3 are handsome boys like their father..but REWINDING…10 yrs….(now married 10)they were 8-9 and 13….soooo they are now 18-19 and 23 ….WOW can I tell you gals how absolutely GRRRRRRRRRREAT it is to get thru this very formative 10 yrs…and come out breathing easy and feeling triumphant as EVER!! (hearing roar from the crowds)
YEP she’s been a NASTY Boil on my BUTT for 10 long ones and all the sudden….my 18 yr old is about to graduate HS and go to college in the fall…EMPTY nesters we will be!! and I do miss them being young boys…Not to leave out the fourth but she lives with BioMomster states away…The boys have lived with us full time and THAT is a GLORIOUS thing to have and we had some visiting nightmares but at this very moment I am just glad I found you all and will be happy if i can share my experience for the good of ANYone out there SMOMMY LAND…
I didnt mention but my first marriage I also had 1 SD and that one was an early FUN intro to court battling 101….in retrospect I see myself as an idiot for fighting that stupid fight…and I’ll be glad to elaborate…but it was an education on WHAT NOT TO DO….when marrying a man with children…sooo if there were a degree given in Smommying…I think Ive earned my Masters…I really do and I’m 48 and I am soo happy to read your story and all the others on your blog…THIS is AWESOME …you know in 2000 when we married…I had just gotten an email address…soooo things have changed a LOT in 10 yrs…it seems like yesterday…but it was a JOURNEY thru HELL in the beginning but I really didnt know it until it let up…Now…I see how much energy it took to deal with a negative, selfish, joy-sucking loooney toon…
O also want to mention that I am a young Gmom…(dont use the “G”word) they call me TWEETY….theyre adorable and they keep me from missing those years of toy messes, tricycles in the driveway ~ o and the smell of BABY MAGIC!!! I have some in my linen closet and I think I always will!
hugs to you!!
M2L
Hey – I wanted to request a password to your site.
A bit about me. I am a soon to be stepmom (in September) although my fella and I have been living together for the past 2 years with his son 3 1/2 days a week. So far onw of the main things that help me with the madness of a pyscho ex are blogs where I feel like I am not alone and there are others out there that have to deal with the same things I do. Then I don’t feel so crazy! Bio mom does ridiculous things including but not limited to creating imaginary stalkers and arranging/faking a break in to her apt to make my fella look bad. I got death threat letters and phone calls from this woman before we were even far enough in our relationship for me to know the boy. But when I met the boy all hell broke loose and it has been a whirlwind since then. I see your site referenced on many other stepmother sites and have been curious about your situation for a while.
Thanks
Hi Steph,
It’s katie from stepmamadrama. I have thought about you so much this year. Even though I’m getting a divorce I still feel like a stepmom at heart. I hope you are doing well. I have lost track of everyones blog passwords. I would love to know how your world is turning these days! -Katie (ritch in love, stepmama drama)
Diet coke as nectar of the gods?! Oh my god, love it!
I used to have you tagged as a favorite blog back when I had my old computer. But one crashed hard drive, job promotion, crazy ex drama, etc & etc later I totally lost track. Just found you again and I see you’re password protected! Arrrgh! I’d love a password – pretty please?!
Looking forward to hearing from you!
Hi! I stumbled across your blog from another blog. . . . I am the mother of one boy and the step-mother (in August officially – until then I’m just the cause of all the problems) to two kids. I am constantly on the prowl for blogs that not only affirm that life as the stepmama isn’t all butterflies and flowers, but that help me feel like I’m not crazy as well! haha I would love the password to your posts. Please & Thank you! 🙂
I have been following a Stepmom’s Say blog and then found yours. I’ve been doing the stepmom gig with a BPD BM for almost 8 years. I would love to hear about your experiences and how they related to mine. Please e-mail a password when you have a chance. Thanks!
I am new to the whole blog thing and I have been following one blog inparticular when I ran across yours, I had no idea there were so many stepmom’s out there! I am a stepmom of one 6 yr old daughter. The BM is Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, I had no idea what I was getting myself into 5 years ago and sometimes I still don’t, lol. I would love to follow your blog!
Hi! I would like to request a password for your site.
So, about me…
I am engaged to a wonderful man who is a father to a 6 year old little girl and a 9 year old little boy. I am a career woman who has never been married and have no children of my own. Our wedding is in 3 months and am now beginning to see the difficult road ahead of me as a stepmom and second wife. All of my friends are mothers of their own children and can not see my point of view. I am hoping this blog will help me maintain my sanity.
Hi,
I would love to follow your blog (aka-password request)
About me…
While in college I fell in love with a man who had 2 small boys and 1 psychotic ex-wife. We moved in together after a few years of dating when the boys were 3 & 7. I have lived the step-mom life ever since. I finally married the 3 of them last month and couldn’t be happier! That’s a lie. I could be happier if SHE would stop torturing OUR children, but I’m sure you can understand. Anyway, the point is we are about to begin our first (of many I fear) court battle with the ex and I would love to gain some insight from your blog. Thanks!
Hello-
I am a former single mother who married a man with two children. We dated for three years and last year we married. While this is my first marraige it is my husband’s second. Together we have three children a boy 16, a boy 13 and a girl 12. Our union has not always been one of wedding bliss and I find that I am in need of talking with others who may be feeling similar. We share custody of my husbands children with his former wife, the kids switch every other week for a week at a time. There currently is no child support and both parents are to split any bills and child needs in half. I would really like to be part of your blog communitte.
Thanks,
Sandi
Hi,
I am in a similar boat. I’ve got 4 kids, 3 from my husbands first maariage to a Psycho, and 1 little guy we made together. 2 boys, 2 girls, 2 dogs, all the time crazy. I’d like to read more about your situation, if you would be so kind as to send me the password.
Thanks,
Sarah
I found myself glued to my computer tonight. Researching step mom related … things, every and anything. I moved about an hour away from friends and family to live with my husband (since his job requires him to be on call he has to live nearby). I don’t have too many moms – or even girlfriends to vent to… I need a darn step mom support group… or just a break from my life to read about someone eles dramas before i go back to my own- at least i would know i am not alone! I would love to check out your blog. I need some SANE step moms in my life!
A little about me – atleast what I am willing to share publicly:
I have a 6.5yr old step son and have been in his life for over 4 years – a good chuck of his life! Happily married for 3 yrs. My husband was for a lack of words used by his ex. He married her out of guilt from his own mother (now my mother – how did I get to be so lucky!!), and his ex and her family. Only he be left by her less than one month into their “marriage” – oh and she took their son and didn’t contact my husband for weeks. He was a total wreck. I lucky met him after that storm calmed down and he was seeking some counseling (again… I hit the jack pot!).
I love my husband so much. Even on our first date I knew he was the one… and I struggled for many months on how and if I would be a “parent”. 8 month later, yes 8, we eloped and never looked back. My son… I tend not to use the “step” portion when talking to other people about him, (especially in front of him in fear he will think I am singling him out). I raised him, whipped his butt, went to EVERY doctor/dentist visit, camped on a hospital room floor when he had surgery – where as his own mother left him and (she announced) went off to the beach because it was not her “time-to-be-with-him”.
I feel anger down to the pit of my soul when I speak of this horrible woman. I have to fight the urge to curl every one of my fingers into a tight ball… I often see my knuckles turn bright white. Not for what she did to my husband, or even his family. Not for what she HAS done to her son, but what SHE CONTINUES to do and how the court CONTINUES to let her abuse him and get paid for it!
I am not a “mother”, I did not push a life out of my body and experience 9 months of amazement. Not yet at least. I did, and still do, take my little boy, to the park every day after school, and I know all of his friends names and what they like and I know where he hides his little treasures even though he thinks no ones sees.I’m the one who made him a baby book after his own mother THREW IT OUT after she took off. I’m the one who teaches him about traditions. I make sure everyone eats dinner toether and everyone shares in chores. I teach and give respect. I show him love that he isnot used to by his own mother. I know when he is in the room when I am turned away and I feel him getting closer thinking he is going to do something silly when he just holds on to my and hugs me tight. We have our own little language that not even daddy knows. I am at his school all the time helping in his classroom and bringing in goodies – and he so proudly boasts to his friends in his version of a whisper “that’s my mom!!!” and i cannot help but smile and feel so proud that despite the honest fact that he is not “MINE”, I am apart of who he is and i can claim that.
He calls me mom, mommy, mama. And in the beginning in broke my heart thinking I was taking something away from her, his mom. I never told him No, to calling me that, but my name was always an option. He begged to call me a form of mom, some days a different mom name. I didn’t care but it felt good to be a mom to my little boy who I watch grow up, to feel respected and honored. my name was never uttered from his mouth but a few times in the beginning.
But in the past few days my heart has been breaking. On day he goes back to his mom, we were all to meet at my sons school for a “back to school night”. He acted normal (as he does in our home) and talked to his mom, talked to us and his teacher. And when the teacher asked to be introduced to us. I had not thought I would hear these words uttered out of his mouth… Mrs. XXXX this is my mom, dad, and XXXXXX (my name). I nearly choked. My eyes started to swell – but I sucked it up and went along with it. He quickly reassures the teacher that he meant to say “mom” instead of my name – but the punch was thrown and it hurt so badly. I had to deal with another hour with all of them- by the time i got back into the at (he left with his mom), I just cried. I felt like a part of me was ripped away. So disrespected – and by a 6 yr old no less! I felt so used.
I read tons of blogs and websites for/about step parents. How sp ARE NOT REAL PARENTS or they will never be the child’s real mom/dad. How hurtful just those words are. How painful for a child to grow up in world of anger and hate towards more than one person loving them. I came from a single mom. I would have wanted another person to love me and my mom after my father left. My mom gave me everything and I love her for it. I came out strong and happy. I want to give everything I can to my son and teach him that despite the current crappy situation his parents made for him he can be happy and stand up for himself when his mom trid to break him down.
I love my son no matter what he calls me. I know he got scared in front of his mom, and I would too if I had to live with her part time. She is (legitimately) bi-polar, and lives at home with no job. She is extremely rough with him and forces him to do sports and watch football – even thought he complains he doesn’t like it and would much rather play outside- or worse play with other kids but she won’t let him.
He is 6.5. He is smart and at times a smart @$$. We talk all the time before bed about feelings and choices he can make in life. I talked this over with my mom and husband and they think something should be said. They aren’t step moms. Some days I barely feel like one. I want to be honest and upfront with my son. I tell him when he does mean or hurtful things to his friends it hurts them and may cause them to not want to play with him. He found that out over the summer when he told a friend that he couldn’t come into a fort he and others made because he was a little heavier than them, I nearly wanted to beat him, (since his own mother and all his grandparents are overweight). Long story short the boy stopped playing with him. My son got very hurt once he returned to school and the boy would no long talk to him. The boy’s mom and I get along and she understands what happens and hopes, as do I, the boys move on and get back together. My son has since then written (I used that term lightly!) the other boy an apologized and even tried to share candy with him at lunch as sign of peace (I may have suggested that!). Why do I feel like the little chubby boy?
I want to be selfish and not talk to him! But I love the little brat no matter what and thats the hard part.
Do I talk to him about what the name game or just let it go? I’m not trying to win a title or be better than the other mom. I already know I am. He knows I am. It still hurts though. I want respect – not a name war. Over 3 years I have been mom… now I turned into XXXXXX. He comes back home today and I am in knots over if I should say something or not.
This is my current headache! where is a glass of wine when ya need one!
Thanks!
Step mama drama
❤
Leaving a comment for the PW. I’m the stepmother to a 21 year old hellion and am currently scouring stepmom blogs for support, advice and much needed restored sanity.
HI
Im living with the most wonderful man I’ve ever met, and just found out that as of Christmas his little girl will be joining us every weekend….a whirlwind of emotions – panic, anticipation, relief, fear, its all going on….and I found your website and would love to know more about this world I’ve gotten myself into
Cheers
Dee
I’d love to read your blog. SM of 1 skid and have four children of my own. Tired of the crazy part of my life, so I disengaged from it. Having a hard time truly letting go because this kid needs a parent. Just another player the horrible step-family world when the BM is well…y’know.
I have to apologize….I gave a mention to a term that you use in your posts (egg donor) and I had originally thought it had come from someone else and had misspoke, quoting them by mistake! I have now made the adjustment and you are now quoted. Sorry, about that…..just wanted to make sure you got the credit! I love your term of egg donor, it just feels better!
I have been a stepmom for 3 years now,with NCP Dad for nearly 6, and The Krazy has ramped up to epic proportions. I just began seeking out stepmom blogs, and WOW does yours resonate with me. We are embarking on a new part of the battle, actual legal proceedings because The Krazy has recently decided that Dad does not need visitation all that often, and she’s gonna dole it out when she sees fit.
So, yeah – say goodbye to many thousands of dollars and hello to lots of Tums.
So glad to have found this place…
I should add that I’d love the password to read the protected entries. I get the feeling much of what I would read would sound like something I might write.
I’m a 2-year-old stepmom to a 21-year-old who acts like she’s 13! It’s just a tad difficult/frustrating/infuriating!
Found your blog through several stepmom blogs; would it be possible to get the password from you, please?
All the best,
Rebecca
Hello,
I’m a biomom and a stepmom. I have a crazy situation as we all seem to have….I’ve read some of your posts and I really like to read what you write.
I’d like your password if possible…..
Thanks,
A Stepmom
Step mom for 7years…doesnt seem to be getting any better…love reading your blog! please send me the password.
Hi there! I am a stepmom to a wonderful 5 year old boy. Just started a blog, and mostly just looking for resources and other stepmoms to connect with!
Hello!
We have a blended family… my dh came with an older teen aged son and I came with 4 children that are younger then him ( we have custody of all 5 blended children ) … oh… and we have two together with another on the way! 🙂 In our situation we’re dealing with THREE court happy ex’s … so I would love to read more of how you deal with it.
Btw… it was the Regan post that hooked me! 🙂
~Blessings!
I’ve been a stepmom to 3 for almost 7 years. I married my high school sweetheart after being apart for 15 years. While I love my life, it is at times very difficult.
Have found the “step bloggers” very helpful
I follow & read… I think I’ve commented a time or two..
Would love the password if that’s okay…
chapmansrus6@yahoo.com
I’ve been a stepmom for just over 5 years, dealing with a bipolar BM and it’s hard as hell. I love your blog; would love the password if that’s okay.
@Step Mama Drama
I feel your pain. I went from being the most loved woman on the earth to being referred to as “the girlfriend Daddy married” – all thanks to the BM. As the years have gone by she has pushed a bigger wedge between us and I am now treated more like furniture in the house. You want to love them no matter what, but at some point you question if you are able.
Stephanie-
I’ve been a loyal reader of yours the last year or two. I had a computer crash and no longer have the password. I would really appreciate it if you could email me again.
Thanks for giving me hope!
Lynn
I am dating man with 3 children and a PEW. Am very interested in this whole step-mom gig. I have read your blog in the past and had requested a password once before. If you would send the password for your protected posts if that’s alright! Thanks!
I’m back back back! I’m a follower who had the password but my computer took a dive (okay…so maybe letting my 7 year old stip an In-N-Out milkshake while playing games on it wasn’t my best idea ever…) and I’m finally back up and running again. And I can’t remember the password! Arrrgh! Can you share it again with me? And I pinky swear to never let thick sticky beverages come near my keyboard again!
Hi, I came across your site and wasn’t able to get an email address to contact you. Would you please consider adding a link to my website on your page. Please email me back and we’ll talk about it.
Thanks!
Hailey William
haileyxhailey@gmail.com
Stephanie – we need your help! If you could help spread the word, facebook, twitter, a short article regarding your opinion on the outrageous developments in our child custody case – we would be eternally grateful! Email me!
http://www.savethepsychoexwife.com
~Mister-M
How do I follow your page?! I’m a new steppie and new blogger.. so learning the ropes here!
Hi there! I’ve done this once before but I can’t seem to find the password. My name is Megan and I have a 61/2 year old stepson and we are expecting our first baby together in June!
I had requested your password before, but I have since changed e-mail addresses and can no longer access the old account. If you wouldn’t mine sharing again.
Stephanie- it’s been awhile since I’ve been on your blog and I’ve forgotten the password. :(. Could you send it to me again please? I’m a stepmom to two boys. Ages 13 and 9. Been a stepmom for over 4 years now.
Thank you!
Alison
I’m glad to see your blogging again. Can I get the new password?
Hey. My laptop died and the password I have in my email doesn’t work – what’s up with that? Can I get it from you again?
I’ve learned a lot about the step-world from you and I’ve been wondering how you and the family are doing. I would love to catch up! May I have the magic password?
Hi there. I’m a 37yo professional woman from Melbourne, Australia. Madly in love with the man of my dreams with two great kids (12yo boy, 16yo girl) but absolutely DROWNING in ex-hostility and no clue how best to navigate it. We’re happy, so we pay for it, as do the kids. I’m online looking at resources and I’d love the password to access yours. Don’t be put off by my username, there’s no mischief here! I’ve had my email since I was 22 (back in the good ol days where mischief was the fun, not peace!) and make my online presence an off-shoot of it. Help!!! 🙂
Wow! I have been dying to know how you and the kids have been! Please send me the password!
Hi Stephanie. I am now subscribed to your blog, but I still don’t have the password. Please send it to me. You are a gifted, thought-provoking writer and I am dying to read what has been happening with the kids.
Hi Stephanie,
Used to have a password way back, but somehow lost it. Would love one again to keep me inspired in my own step-life.
Wendi
Hi there,
I came across your blog and love it! I love the title first of all because it sums up how I often felt in the beginning of step motherhood (or, as I prefer, bonus motherhood). My husband could write a blog entitled, “In this house, your bio mom does not trump your dad and bonus mom.”
Please send me the password to charlenethewicked@gmail.com. Also, please feel free to take a look at my blog at theblendedtruth.wordpress.com.
I look forward to reading!
Hi Stephanie. Please send me the password. I love your blog and was thrilled to discover that you had updated. helpmejeebus12@yahoo.ca
Hi Stepanie, Can I please have your password. I am a stepmother of two beautifull little girls! thanks!
Hi! Could I please get the password to your blog. I found you through “Becoming a Stepmom”. I will be a step mom to three beautiful girls 5,8 and 11. Currently live in harmony with BD -2 years (and three SD’s everyother weekend and Tuesdays) and try to stay out of the way of one scary BM. I thought I was going to go out of my mind until I found various blogs online and now I feel more at peace with the chaos which I chose to be my life. I’d like to hear more. Thank You!
Hi there,
I came across your blog and I would love to read more. Pls give me your password. I am a step mom of 3 beautiful girls. I also have a blog.. if you have time to read. http://vichygurl.blogspot.com/ . I pretty much write all the things I have in mind, it sort of help me to get out frustrations and inspire others with my happiness. Thanks a lot!
I am a step mom of 3 kiddos. Much chaos with ex-wife and hubby…pray for peace everyday. It hurts the kiddos the most…which causes me to be angry. just need a place to rest…rejuvinate.. Thanks! Would love keep reading but need the password.
Hi. I am getting ready to jump head first into the world of being a step-mother. My fiance has shared custody, so we have his three children (10,12,and 15) every other week and weekend. This has been a huge adjustment for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love his children. It’s just hard to jump right into this and not have questions and concerns that no one around me can answer. I’m looking for a little guidance on how to set boundaries with his ex wife ( who knows no boundaries) Our situation isn’t awful, and I’m not complaining, I just want to see the wisdom of those who have walked this path as well. Thanks. JB
Hi, I’m a mom to two DD24 and DS 18, Kiki(grandmother) to 1 DGD 6, Stepmom to three SS 25, SS20 and SS15. I have been with my DH for 10 years. He has 2 EX’s 1 semi nuts but ok now (she’s mom to the 2 older SS) and 1 completely over -the-top undiagnosed BPD psycho ex wife (Golden Uterus to younger SS) I wouldn’t mind being invited to join you.
Hi there…I’m a new step-mom and trying to figure it all out as I go along. I have never been married before and don’t have any kids of my own. I love kids and have always been involved with my 13 nieces/nephews so even though I’m not a “real Mom”, I’m familiar with kids and their needs and have tons of love to give. I’m really struggling with all the adjustments and changes, not to mention that dealing with my husband’s undiagnosed psycho ex thru their custody battle is taking a toll on me. So I decided to look online for blogs written by other step-moms in the hopes I could find some bits of wisdom and encouragement to help me adjust. I’m looking forward to reading your blog so please send me the password! 🙂
Hi Stephanie, I am a long time reader (mostly lurker) that previously had a password. I am married and have 2 kids via donor egg donation (using this search word was how I found your blog in the first place!). Although I do not have step-children, I am very much wrapped up in the story of how your family’s life is unfolding. As my kids get older, I think of what you are going through and how I could use your wealth of information to deal with any future issues I may have with the boys (although I hope I never HAVE to use it). I hope you are doing well and continuing to survive (and thrive) in the sometimes difficult family situations in which you find yourself. I hope you send me another password 🙂 I look forward to hearing more of your journey (and I promise to comment!)
Hi Stephanie! I lost the password to your blog when I had a computer malfunction. Would love to get it again!
texaskid55.blogspot.com
texaskid@verizon.net
Thanks! Hope everyone is well at your house
Hi there- I’ve been a stepmom for a little over a year now. I married a widower who had, in the 3 years since their mom’s death (tragic because she suffered from dependancies and overdosed) had allowed his teenage girls to run the household in whatever way they wanted… friends over…as many as they want…as long as they want…no need to ask anyone’s permission. Rearrange furniture, decide how to decorate the house…Not cleaning up after themselves if they were to busy or tired… left their stuff all over the house… No asking permission, no rules and no consequences.
Can you imagine how my first year has gone? I have tried to implement some very basic rules, such as: Ask permission first, clean up after yourself, keep your stuff in your own room. I am finding some of it to be impossible! In trying to create an environment I can live with, I am viewed as controlling and mean. I work about 50 hours a week and feel that there must be some order brought to this chaos!
Don’t think that just because the girls’ mom is gone, I don’t have people meddling. The girls are quick to go running to their older, adult sister every time they feel they are treated unfairly and she in turn runs around town gossiping and telling her dad how he needs to handle situations. Because they have a big extended family and know a lot of people around town, everyone knows how tragically the girls lost their mother and feels sorry for them and has no idea what’s really going on, so they just pass judgement on me.
Anyways….I really needed a sympathetic ear…Can you tell? 🙂
I hope you’ll let me read more of your blog now!
Hello!!! I’m a newly married stepmom but I’ve been a parental figure to 3 kiddos for almost 3 years. They live with us full time as their mother doesnt have anything to do with them, I’m looking to find more people that understand what I’m going through and have to deal with. Sometimes I feel like no one understands. Could you please let me read your blog?
Also, hope you dont mind, I used your About Me!
I used to read your blog a lot. Then I moved and got busy with other things. I’d like the password, please, so I can get caught up. 🙂
about me…. well I’m a mom to a 11 year old step son and he is just AWESOME!! We have our issues like every step mom step son has but well we also have a pretty cool relationship….. I’m also a mom to a pretty cool 5 year old daughter who has us all wrapped around her little finger…..especially her brother….
looking forward to reading your blog!!
hey there, I reconnected w/ my old college flame after we both were divorced – we’ve been together for 3 years and living w/ one another for 2. We share joint custody of our combined children (him 2 children ages 6 and 9 and my son 14).
We recently began seeing a Marriage/Family Therapist due to complications caused by his ex-wife.
I’m looking forward to finding support and humor on this crazy, grace testing experience called Blended Families
Hey, Stephanie, it is Shadowlands from Walking in the Valley of the Shadows. Been off line for a time. The year after Dan died, the house was hit by lightening and I lost most of my equipment. Just recently, signed back up with Comcast (ugh!) again and the best part is that I am able to be on high speed connectivity. Please me your password. I always loved your blog and I loved your support on my blog.
I am seeking others who are dealing with borderline ex wives. The step kids are now grown. The youngest is 19 and in college and the oldest is 24 and expecting a baby soon. We thought things would subside when we got the kids grown but now that the grandbaby is coming we are already seeing signs of brainwashing, deceit, manipulation etc to try to win over the daughter in law and attempt to start this completely unnecessary game all over again so that in her mind she can be the favorite grandparent. HELP!!!! Need password to your site!
Ok let’s try this again. I didn’t get a password.
How did you manage to get through it all without going bonkers yourself? I feel like our lives are parallel, except the BPD ex just doesn’t stop. I’m exhausted. The courts don’t care. Our attorney is tired as well. It’s awful for the children. Will it ever stop???